Don Jokes

If you drink, don’t drive. People cause accidents.

If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.

Friend 1. whats your favorite drink or food Friend 2. pizza Friend 3. Donuts Friend 4. i don't eat food but i do drink bleach Friend 1. (calling the suicide hotline) Friend 2. (Calling the parents)

What's the difference between $1 Million and Baby Teeth? I don't have $1 Million in my wallet.

Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked "It's dark in here isn't?" and the other one says "I don't know I can't see.

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying, I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage.

why did beyonce say to the left, to the left...

because women don't have rights.

Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there the doctor asks him “Do you have cancer?” Pinocchio replies, “That was very straight up, but, no I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer.” After saying this, his nose grew.

my wife said if I don't get of the computer shes gonna slam my head in to the keyboard but I think I'll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those that know binary and those that don't.

I’m trying to find out what IDK means. Every time I ask someone they say I Don’t Know

Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?

They don’t deserve rights!

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement

What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?

I don't know... I just fly the drone

What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have? A hambone.

I won't reply on every jokes today because I want to say thanks (to everyone) for making funny jokes here... Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes, its makes me happy and its making me less anxious. I am really stressed on my school works and everything, I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertain me and making me laugh so hard. *I apologize for my grammar

To everyone saying "don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying". Do you think we have it easy?? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.