Didn T Jokes

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"

Priest, "how so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"

Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

Why didn't anyone care about the circus?

Because it was irr-elephant.

I bought an orphan iphone 8 plus and he said he doesn't want it koz it didn't have a HOME button

At first, I didn't like Big Ben-- but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable

I tried to find my watch I lost last week but I didn't have the time

a conductor was conducting a song, at the end he through his conductor's stick and killed someone, he was put to the electric chair but nothing happened, they asked why he didn't die and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor"

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party : He had nobody to go with

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

How did Stephen Hawkins make it up the stair way to heaven? Well he didn’t they invented an elevator

Why did God create women before men? He didn’t want any advice on how to do it

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral? She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

Why didn't the orphan go to orphanage? He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.

How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the home page.

2 men walk into a bar no clue how they didn't see it

Hear the one about the deaf kid?

He didn't.

Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver? A. She had to go to GasTown.

Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?

Because there were only 20 of them

I asked the emo kid how it was hanging.. he didn't reply bc the rope was too tight