(True story) Today I was bring some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “oh, now they’re broken.” And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
welcome to hell
I like video games, books, and writing. (Drawing too I guess) I’m simple. I’m quiet. I have a lot of jokes to tell. And I fucking love to call people names.
Jimmy: why did the chicken cross the road? Joe:why? Jimmy: to get to the idiot’s house Jimmy: knock knock Joe:who’s there Jimmy: it’s the chicken
Ur forehead’s so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?....... Frostbite.
What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.
What do guns and gum have in common?... when you pull one out, everyone wants ta be your friend.
My cousin: “how’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when ur at softball practice?!” Me: “lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
I walk into a bar. There was a line of people waiting to punch me. Yup. That was the punch line.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell em for double the price!
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested? For fingering the minor.
Sans: What do you have there? Frisk: A KNIFE! Sans: NOO!!!
What does a rubix cube and a penis have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
How’d the skeleton know it was going to rain? He looked at the weather forecast.
Q: What kinda bees give milk? A: Boobees
Orphans eat their cereal with water cause their dad never came back with the milk.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was ur mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms. I can do anything u normal people can do. Me: 🎵If you’re happy and u know it clap ur hands! 🎶
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse. One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well parter!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”