today, i asked my phone, "siri why am i still single" and it activated the front camera
ur mom
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
how do you know when you're disliked? when they always give you the camera for group photos
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
when I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, i don’t find it cute or romantic. i find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.