What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
GG Miller
This is the Polo Gang..
Just posting corny dad jokes.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You a dumb a** b*tch, We all know it's true.
A Chinese couple had a black baby and named it Sum Ting Wong.
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived? What a re-leaf