The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Big Boss Tom
Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.
What happens when a cow jumps over a wire fence
Udder destruction
yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Matress World and slept on the floor.
Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "you forgot the remote"
yo mama so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's
Q: How do you know a wishing well works? A: If your mother-in-law falls down it
Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?
A: Because BB-8 it ya it's Bad:)
I bought shoes from a drug dealer I know he lcsd them and all but I have been tripping all day
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
I like my women how i like my coffee......... HOT
Me: Know one likes shrek he is just a fat green guy friend hey stop talking about me
what do you call a fish with no Eyes????
A fish
Q: What did Darth Vader say to his smashed wristwatch?
A: I find your lack of face disturbing
Friend: you know how I like my women like my coffee.... Hot Me: what If you don't like coffee:(
Friend: My girls are like boomerangs they always come back Me: Mine DONT:(
What do you call a dog with no legs?It doesn't F#@$ mader it still not F#@$ coming