Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.
Random person: What stuff?🤨
Me: What?
The person: you said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!
Me: colourful flamingo fart.
Girl: I’m so in love with you! Boy: me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: - aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot. Girl: whats the ijk? Boy: I’m just kidding
If you're in Alabama family reunions are basically speed dating events.
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
Your sister: You're so ugly. me: but we look the same so whos also ugly?
Q: Why don't Indians play soccer?
A: Because every time they're in the corner, they open a store
You learn from mistakes! That's why you're an only child!
Q.) Why do orphans love elevators? A.) Because they're the only things to raise them
you're really hot, I wanna hit on you like the plane hit the twin towers
A mother and son were in the backyard and the son finished building a shed. The mother says "You're the best husband ever"
Why can’t Indian women drive?
They’re too used to riding their camels
What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account? You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that- (Destroys phone cutely)
Why do emo kids hate high fives? They’re always left hanging.
