Not all roses are red not all violets are blue if you're reading this God loves you
What do you do when you see a a naked dead girl?
Check your map, you're obviously going into circles
Thought a waitress said to me you're good looking In fact she was asking If I'd like some pudding
Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian why do think that I said the teacher replied because you're reading from Right to Left
When you're working in the twin towers but you have to turn your computer to airplane mode.
You're in Australia. Your forehead is the reason why Africa is so hot.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common? One of these days, we’re both are gonna be hanging from the ceiling
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card and we live far and we my mom was hungry. A guy and his friend had a car and k us if we were lost. We said no we have no ride, no money and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each so I was driving the car and my mom gave the both guys a blowjob. We had to get out the car to look for something then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I ask what the bad news that they're not taking us home so I ask what the good news they told me that they feed my mom and drove off. I guess where we i guess the left us wsnt long walk and my mom wasm't hungry no more.
God: you're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: douvle it and give it to the next person
are you a gravestone? because i really wish you're on top of me right now!
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs. He asks her why she is crying and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her then jogs away.
The next day he finds her crying again and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up...and throws her in the pond telling her, "You're fucked now!"
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling
