What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed
Why do emo kids cost so much? Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common? One of these days, we’re both are gonna be hanging from the ceiling
Girl: I’m so in love with you! Boy: me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: - aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot. Girl: whats the ijk? Boy: I’m just kidding
Your sister: You're so ugly. me: but we look the same so whos also ugly?
You learn from mistakes! That's why you're an only child!
Why do Emo's always wear black like ninja's? Because there're always cutting
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? A. Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted? Still being in the orphanage at 13.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave? Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jacksdon will get you.
You're hairline is push backed farther than G.T.A. 6
What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line You’re breathtaking
My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off.
Corpses aren’t funny- they’re dead serious
I like women's rights "jokes" because they're all facts.
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessary long and hard.
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit
When you're sad hit an orphan
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
