Perlis jokes

Workout

Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.

Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:

1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps

Science Teacher

Micheal Foreman · 3 years ago

I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

Boy

Shitpost master-general · 1 year ago

A screenshot of a tweet by Jared Taylor, @RealJarTaylor, on X.com. The tweet states, "Black boys from households that make $700,000 a year go to prison at the same rate as white boys from households that make $36,000 a year." Below this, it adds, "AND THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE BECAUSE OF SYSTEMIC RACISM !! The Left does great research for us." Underneath the text, there is a graph titled "THE UPSHOT: Extensive Data Shows Punishing Reach of Racism for Black Boys," which illustrates the "Share of the men incarcerated on April 1, 2010." The graph plots incarceration rates against parental household income, showing a blue line for "Black men" and a yellow line for "White men." An annotation within the graph reads, "The sons of black families from the top 1 percent had about the same chance of being incarcerated on a given day as the sons of white families earning $36,000." Points on the graph are labeled "Families making $36,000 per year" and "Families in the top 1 percent," indicating a "Same Incarceration rate."

Perlis memes

Baby

Anonymous · 8 years ago

What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?

A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.

Bullshit

Anonymous · 6 years ago

As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.

Kilometer

Flappy. · 3 years ago

I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.

Sonic

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A text message conversation shows the question "What's wrong?" with the answer "Whenever Sonic beats Eggman in the final level, Eggman always outruns him and gets to his giant robot before Sonic catches him, beating Sonic's average running speed of 767.269 miles per hour which is the speed of sound. This means that Dr Eggman is actually the fastest thing alive." followed by the reply "nothing". The message is shown on a white background with a phone keyboard shown at the bottom.

Kid

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A box of Oops! All CBD cereal sits next to a sleeping child. The cereal box has an image of a cartoon captain and says "Oops! All CBD". Text below says, "Now with twice the CBD!"

Africa

Unimportant Intelligence · 2 years ago

screw global warming

The image shows a landmass with the word "INDIA" superimposed on it. Below this, the text states that India produces 150% more greenhouse gases per capita than the USA. Underneath, it reveals that the image is actually a picture of Africa.

Hot pocket

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A Hot Pockets package with the text "Made with 100% existential dread. THE ENDLESS COSMIC VOID with the sound of a thousand collapsing stars in a suffocating groan." Instead of a typical filling, the inside shows black tentacles and other strange shapes. There is also text describing the product as "OVERWHELMINGLY STUFFED WITH VISIONS OF THE ABYSS -THE SIZE OF THE UNIVERSE - THE LENGTH OF TIME - THE EDGE OF REALITY" The label says "Nestle Hot Pockets"

Foot

i love cheeks and toes bruh · 3 years ago

ill suck on that big toe for 5 bucks in the back of an alley way to be honest

The image consists of two parts. On the left, there is an image of a 'Foot by the Foot' candy package with the text "NO ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS" and "HAND FREE". The package shows feet with arms instead of legs. The text also says, "35lb (15875.7g) ROLL 1 [25.36 FEET PER ROLL] PER FOOT 9001 CALORIES 5 TOENAILS 0 BUNIONS". On the right, there is an image of a single foot with a large toe and the text "imagine if we had one giant toe instead of multiple little ones". There are also small feet in heels shown in the upper left corner.

Penis

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows two blue boxes of 'Penis Pasta', with the word 'Penis' in large font above 'PASTA'. The pasta itself is visible through a round window, with each piece shaped like a penis. A cartoon character that also resembles a penis, wearing a chef's hat, is shown on the lower part of each box. A warning is printed below him which reads 'WARNING! INCREASES IN SIZE WHEN COOKED'.

Hawaii

mommy uwu · 3 years ago

I aM dUh GoOdEsT jOkeR

The image is split into two frames. The top frame is labeled "HAWAII EXPECTATIONS" and shows animated characters, one is a muscular male with dark tattoos holding a staff, the other is a slim woman in a skirt holding a paddle. The bottom frame is labeled "HAWAII REALITY" and shows the same two characters, with the roles reversed. The female is now muscular, and the male is slimmer. Text is on the image and an username: @inline5.

pop-tart

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A box of Pop-Tarts with the text "VALUE PACK", "16 toaster pastries", "Pop-Tarts", "Frosted", "Styrofoam", and "16 TOASTER PASTRIES" on it. The pop tarts in the image are replaced with styrofoam.

Minion

period boo · 3 years ago

Two minions are wearing flower crowns. One is playing a ukulele and the other is hitting a small drum. There are torches in the background. The scene looks like a luau or beach party.

Chicken

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image is a comic strip with 6 panels. The first panel shows a man standing in a kitchen. The second panel shows the man about to crack an egg in a bowl. In the third panel a chicken pops out of the egg with a cracking sound and flames next to the man's face. In the fourth panel the chicken thanks the man for freeing it and says it will grant him a wish, showing the man a little surprised. In the fifth panel the man makes the wish that he wants an omelette. In the last panel, the man looks exasperated as the chicken looks at him next to the omelette in the pan.

Machine Gun

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

An image of a homemade machine gun. The gun is made from an electric drill, a wooden gun stock, and metal components. Text underneath the image reads: "80-vuotias hämeenlinnalaisinsinööri kehitteli porakoneesta konetuliaseen, jonka tulinopeus on 420 laukausta minuutissa. Aseeseen sopivat 22 kaliiperin panokset. An 80-year old engineer from Hämeenlinna (a city in Finland) made a machine gun out of an electric drill, which has a firing speed of 420 shots per minute. The gun takes .22 rounds."

American

Swf · 1 year ago

A picture of a penguin wearing a red tie looking angrily at the viewer. Text on top reads, "Americans when they see someone using km/h instead of glazed donuts per bald eagle." Text at the bottom in brackets reads "[anger]".

Weight Loss

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A tweet from user @papiko_114514 on a dark background. The tweet reads: "It's unfair how easy it is for men to diet 😡😡. Masturbate ↓ About 2g of semen come out ↓ Masturbate 500 times per day ↓ Lose 1kg. Wouldn't you lose 10kg if you'd continue this for 10 days??? 😡😡". Below the tweet, it says "3:55 PM · 2019/02/13 · Twitter for iPhone".

Spending

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A screenshot of a Google search result titled "Daily Spending For 70 Years." It calculates that spending $332 billion in 70 years requires spending approximately $12,994,129.16 per day. The search bar contains the query "vibrating buttplug for men."

Perlis memes

Community talk

Anonymous (Original Author)

8 months ago

(As per Cosmo's request)

Jack opened his drying eyes, awoken by a piercing ray of sunlight shining through crooked blinds. A gentle smell wafted in from the corner of what his temporarily blinded eyes knew to be a dilapidated kitchen. It was the one good thing about his life, that smell. He closed his eyes once more and awaited his call.

“Jacky, breakfast time!” beckoned that oh-so-familiar girlish voice. “Oh, sil… Read more

Anonymous

1 year ago

Hey @matt, so I was thinking, can we gove anons a limited number of post and comments? (Per device) Like it would help alot with all these Fakes and anons, but at the same time, it would make normal people get an account, and if they have an account, then there's probably a higher chance of them returning, no? And that would bring more people in, and start a small incline in users here, right?

Like hey I'm just saying I'm normally retarded but shit sounds good.

Anonymous

2 years ago

Hey gangsters, got a little challenge, just for shits and giggles. A poem, 12 lines long, 7-12 syllables per line. Ryne structure should alternate A, to B, to C for the first 9 lines, then for the final 3 do C, B, A. With the 10th line being a question of some sort.

Community