Mutter

Mutter jokes

Priest

A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."

Paternity

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

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  • Cowboy

    A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.

    He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”

    The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.

    The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”

    Priest

    A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.

    Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.

    The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.

    A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.

    Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute."

    She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office.

    The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.

    He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."

    Community

    One evening in Beaver Hollow, a most deranged tale unfolded within the notorious Van der Linde gang at the peak of their desperation. The sun had set on another chaotic day, casting eerie shadows through the dense forest. Little did anyone know, this evening would be filled with unimaginable horror.

    Arthur Morgan, known for his unpredictable nature and mischievous spirit, had been growing tired of Dutch's leadership… Read more

    Assalum Alaykum, Monolingual Beta Males! It is Language Simp, your favorite hyperpolyglot gigachad alphamale. Tell me to speak a language! I can speak over 50 Languages at a D1 fluent level! In the last post I created, I asked everyone to say a language. Say a language or I will eat your dog! My language rq's last time: German AKA nazi saussage language - Deine Mutter ist eine Schlampe und ich habe sie letzte Nacht… Read more

    Auferstanden aus Ruinen Und der Zukunft zugewandt Laß uns dir zum Guten dienen Deutschland, einig Vaterland

    Alte Not gilt es zu zwingen Und wir zwingen sie vereint Denn es muß uns doch gelingen Daß die Sonne schön wie nie Über Deutschland scheint Über Deutschland scheint

    Glück und Friede sei beschieden Deutschland, unserm Vaterland Alle Welt sehnt sich nach Frieden Reicht den Völkern eure Hand

    Wenn wir brüderlich … Read more