Do not put your penis in a vacuum cleaner. Please do not insert your penis into a vacuum cleaner.
For starters, the vacuum cleaner might be dirty. It's likely that there might be dirt, dust, and bacteria that could cause an infection if they come into contact with sensitive tissues.
The vacuum cleaner is also dry. The penis is meant to be moist, and a vacuum cleaner with high suction power could chafe some of the delicate skin that could cause bleeding, flaking, irritation, swelling, and abrasions.
The vacuum cleaner will not hesitate to be rough with your penis- prolonged suction could damage the blood vessels, as well as stretch your penis. This could lead to moving parts in the vacuum damaging it further, or even getting stuck and needing medical intervention.
Be careful where you put your penis- it is not as pleasant as it sounds on surface level.
And yes, I am speaking from experience.
jackson
My vacuum cleaner ripped my penis off.
It's not what you're thinking, I didn't stick my dick in the hose so it could suck me off. You see, my dick is, or was, so long it would drag on the floor. I usually wrap it all the way around my waist and tuck it in the band of my shorts so I don't trip over it.
Anyway, I was vacuuming my carpet, when suddenly my dick slipped out of my waistband and fell to the floor. Before I knew it, I ran it over with the vacuum and it got sucked right up into the rollers. My dick was twisted around and pulled into the dust trap. I was screaming my head off in excruciating pain. I fell onto the floor which just caused the vacuum to work its way up my penis even more. My foreskin started tearing off at the base of my shaft. Before I knew it, the vacuum sucked up my balls too, and both my cock and balls finally tore away from my body.
I was bleeding everywhere and had to call an ambulance. When I got to the hospital they offered to surgically attach a different penis to me, but I declined because it was only 7 inches and I wanted my 4 foot cock back. They said there was nothing they could do because my vacuum ate my cock. So I went for the extreme option and got a vagina. I became a girl because I got my cock ripped off by a vacuum. A few weeks later I got a boob job and plastic surgery on my face to look like a real girl.
All my family and friends think I'm dead. I didn't tell anyone what happened, and I'm living a completely new life. I have a fiancΓ©, we're getting married next year. I just had to get this off my chest.