Worst Jokes Ever
How did Hitler like his portobello mushrooms?
Jewcy.
Why did Sally stay in school?
Because she has no arms, she can’t open the door, and the teacher left!
What is a snake’s favourite subject?
Hiss-tory!
What kind of fruit can fix your toilet?
A plum-mer.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
What kind of pizza do Asians get?
Prain.
Yo mama is so old, when I told her to act her age, she died.
Yo mama is so stupid that she called pest control for gym rats.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
Why are there so few Arab soldiers? Because they always commit suicide on their first day.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
What do you call a sick Asian?
A calculator with dead batteries.
Teacher: "What's your name?"
Student: "Hang on a second."
10 seconds later:
Teacher: "Is something wrong?"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
20 seconds later:
Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"
Student: "Just listen to me!"
Teacher: "Go on, speak!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
What do sped gymnasts wear?
A Reotard.
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.
What did the 12-year-old boy say to the priest?
Nothing, because his mouth was full.
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
Why do white people get abducted by aliens?
Because they're easier to see in the dark.