Suicide jokes

Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.

Who's the fastest reader?

Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.

Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?

What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?

what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb.

What does a relationship and suicide have in common?

I always fail on committing.

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.