Suicide Jokes

"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

"What type of book is it?"

"An autobiography."

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?

I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."

Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.

Who's the fastest reader?

Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What makes suicide illegal?

Getting caught.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.