Worst Jokes Ever

Q. What's the difference between a baby and a bale of straw?

A. I got arrested last time I speared a baby with a pitchfork.

How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?

I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.

I bought a belt made of clocks.

It was a waist of time.

If the US ate chicken, it would die.

What happens when a Jewish guy walks into a wall with a full erection?

He breaks his nose.

You built like you in the 1980's!

You're built like a Windows touchscreen!

Q. Why did the pimp buy a journal?

A. To organize his thots.

How do tourists feed their kids?

Here comes the airplane, here comes the second one.

My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.

The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!

Your hairline go so far back it remember the Civil War, ugly ahh.

What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?

"Good Lord, this is fun!"

What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?

About 140 calories.

How do you stun a Scotsman?

Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".

Next person that says 67, I am gonna yell "9/11" and sweep their feet.

Kid 1: "It's a bird!"

Kid 2: "It's a plane!"

Me: "It's a terrorist!"

What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?

"We’ve got a runner!"

What do birds and planes have in common?

They both fly into building windows.

My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.

Say Fentanyl 3 times in the mirror and you'll see Derek Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd's neck.