Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the suicidal person cross the road?

To slow down traffic!

I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.

Depressed person: *chokes on food*

*involuntary coughs until they can breathe*

"AWWW! I failed the race!"

If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.

Really feeling suicidal is basically having a mental breakdown, but realizing you have nothing nice and sharp to use.

Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.

It's not good without the cheese.

When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:

"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"

Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.

Is skin picking self-harm?

Cause I'm red all over without a razor.

Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?

Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.

DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:

* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck

I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.

It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️

Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"

*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"

Depressed caller: "I'm done with everything!"

Responder: "Please hang on!"

My science teacher asked me what is found inside cells.

I guess "blacks" wasn't the right answer.

An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.

What has four legs and works at McDonald's?

The remaining members of Nirvana.

In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."

What's bigger than Kurt Cobain's head?

What do you mean? He doesn't have one.

A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?

A woman.