"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
Worst Jokes Ever
"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
Why did Hitler keep on f***ing England?
Because it had a Great Booty!
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."
What’s better than the best thing ever?
Me being mod.
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
Q: What did the AISH worker do on her lunch break? A: Five Guys.
I wasn't going to tell another rape joke but fuck it.
Remember kids.
Killing an AISH worker is a victimless crime.
Q: What's the difference between Danielle Smith and a flying piece of shit? A: One letter.
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
Q. What's funnier than an AISH worker getting raped?
A. An AISH worker getting gang raped.
If you can't afford a blow up doll, just go down to your local AISH office.
Rape is always unequivocally wrong.
Unless it's an AISH worker. Then you give her anal.
I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.
Yo, you have the biggest Oliver brain, which means you are the dumbest boy ever.
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
