Pregnancy

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not."

Internet

Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)

Glue stick

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Suicide

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

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  • Morbid humor

    What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."

    Depression

    if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

    Fire

    Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

    Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

    Diarrhea

    Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

    Orphan

    Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.

    Compliment

    Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

    Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

    911

    All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

    Parent

    So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.

    Covid

    I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

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  • Blind woman

    A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.

    It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

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