Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
Humor
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.
I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."
Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.
Who needs April Fools?
When your whole life is a joke?
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.
What do you call an orphan's family reunion? "Me time."
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.
It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
