Suicide Jokes

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

I have a funny joke: my life.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.

My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.

You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

Suicidal people are groundbreaking.

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.

Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"

Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.

What does a relationship and suicide have in common?

I always fail on committing.