Suicide

Suicide Jokes

Therapist

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

Answer

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

Drink

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.

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  • Friend

    My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.

    Myself

    I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.

  • 1
  • Life

    Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

    Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

    Guy: "Yup"

    Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

    Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

    Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

    He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

    We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

    Dad

    Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

    Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

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  • Bridge

    If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

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  • Kid

    What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

  • 0
  • Guy

    Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"

    Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.

  • 2