Suicide jokes
What makes suicide illegal? Getting caught.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
Why I come here instead of reddit nowadays >:\
You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite." Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly." Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game." Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..." Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
Who's the fastest reader?
Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.
Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
I was playing hangman, and I gave up on the word "LIFE".