Suicide Jokes

what's the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there.

What did one depressed kid say to the other?

Hey, wanna hang together?

Don't bother; just try to live in England.

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?

Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.

Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

How do you tell if someone is depressed?

The brains on the wall.

How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?

Tie the bungee cord around his neck.

Life is like a penis. Other people make it hard.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

I finally got a girlfriend.

Her name is Remington Model 32.