Suicide Jokes

Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.

what is less than 0?

my will to live.

What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?

The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.

Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide

Me: Aren't they the same thing?

An image with two mirrored scenes. On the left, a figure stands in front of a blue, icy scene and asks for help. On the right, a similar figure stands in front of a red, fiery scene and also asks for help. Above the figures the text reads "I ___ suicidal people".

Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?

He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.

A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to jump!"

The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"

The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."

The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.

Tbh they really left me hanging there.

Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"

Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."

You learn from the best.

Are you suicide? Because you are always on my mind.

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.

What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?

Suicide squad.

Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a train.

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.