Holiday

Holiday Jokes

Rizz

Rizz,

Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.

Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.

You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.

Mom

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

Santa

Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

They made the toys.

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  • Nut

    If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.

    Depression

    Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?

    A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.

    Crime scene

    What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

    Returning to the scene of the crime.

    Strip club

    I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

    Father's Day

    Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.

    Feminists: Correct.

    Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?

    Pedophile

    What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.

    How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.

    How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.

    What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"

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