Garden jokes
Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.
So it can cut itself.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.
Why did the ass start a gardening service?
It was great at dropping SEEDS.
Two plus two is four. Minus one, that's three, quick maths. Every day, man's on the block. Smoke trees (Ah). See your girl in the park. That girl is a uckers. When the ting went quack-quack-quack You man were ducking (You man ducked). Hold tight, Asznee (My brudda). He's got the pumpy (Big ting). Hold tight, my man (My guy). He's got the frisbee (Few). I trap, trap, trap on the phone Movin' that cornflakes (Uh). Rice Krispies. Hold tight, my girl Whitney (My G). On, on, on, on, on the road doin' 10 toes Like my toes (Like my toes). You man thought I froze. I see a peng girl, then I pose (Chilin'). If she ain't on it, I ghost. Hah, look at your nose (Check your nose, fam). You donut. Nose long like garden hose.
Why did the rapper start a gardening business?
He had mad ROOTS in the game.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
Gnome.
My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.
Why did the rapper become a gardener?
Because he wanted to GROW his fan base.
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.
I wish all my grass was emo.
It would cut itself.
Why did the rapper start gardening?
He wanted to get more ROOTS in his rhymes.
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*