400+ Holiday Jokes

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.

When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.

if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

What's an orphan's favorite movie?

"Home Alone."

The image is a two-panel comic. In the first panel, Santa asks a young boy named Tommy what he wants for Christmas. Tommy replies that he wants a little brother. The second panel shows Santa with a woman. The tone is sexually suggestive.

What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?

Santa stops at 3 hoes.

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.

The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"

He grabs a noose.

Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

What do incest families do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."