Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
U Can't Touch Kids
What do you call a Frozen communist? Hammer and Pop sicle
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one. But I also think I screwed it up.
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?, screw you
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words :Turn of the stove when you're done My last thought : am I a murder
Hot shingles in your neighbourhood wanting to get nailed.
Some dude called me a tool
So later I got hammered and nailed his gf.
Guess he was right :/
credit to funnydude from laugh factory website lol
Pro tip: how to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make you child hold the nail.
What’s an emo kids favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.
I, am Thor. And next year, I will be five
Why are carpenters never horny after work? Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.
Last time i talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
The fuck am I even doing here.
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:.... god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
