Weight jokes

You are so fat Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix it!" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.

Yo mama so fat, she can't pick up a dumbbell... the dumbbell pick her up.

"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.

The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.

"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"

"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.

The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?

I keep hearing "Obesity kills."

My only question is "Why is it taking so long?"

Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.

So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."

Q: How heavy is a photon?

A: It's light!

Your mom is so fat that she made the earth flat.

You're built like a double cheeseburger.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said "Damn!"

How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.

When you went to McDonald's and sat down, you were so fat, they said, "TBC."

You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.

Yo momma is so fat, her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.

Yo mama so fat, she made Fat Albert jealous!

Your mama so chubby, people call her fat.

Yo mama so fat, the last time she 90210 was on a scale.

You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.