Work jokes

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Where does a girl with one leg work?

IHOP.

Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.

I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.

I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...

My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.

Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

September 11, bring your plane to work day.

What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.

What do you call an Asian receptionist?

Tai Ping.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”