Tomato jokes
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
🧀: C’mon tomato!
🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.
🧀: You’re a mile away.
🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.
What did a tree say to the tomato?
Nothing! Trees don't talk, silly.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Do NOT buy a tomato EVER again
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
What did the mommy tomato tell the little tomato?
You better ketchup!
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ketchup.
Ketchup who?
Ketchup my slow tomatoes! 🍅😂
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
Roses are red, Tomatoes are redder. I think we both know, I like you better.
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
Do you know Ligma?
Have fun rubbing those balls in your tomatoes!
Why is a tomato red?
Because it saw the ranch dressing!
What did the salad dressing say to the tomato?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?
"What's the big dill?"
Lettuce: Tomato, you're doing great!
Tomato: Thanks for the condiment!