Telephone jokes
What has two wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone: "Wing wing, arrow!"
When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."
I will give you all the fine chicks you want. Just dial this number: 313-974- tap that ass from Hooters strip club.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"
The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.
Yo mama's so fat, she used a telephone pole as a tampon.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
What has two wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone. "Wing Wing Arrow!"
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
Me: Calls 9-1-1.
Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?
Me: *hangs up*
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?
654-721-8940
(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)
Mexican words of the day: Green, Pink, and Yellow :))
The phone go green green... I pink it up and say YELLOW!!??
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. (Wing, wing, halo.)