Scissors jokes
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Why did England beat Germany in World War Two?
Scissors beat paper.
Paper.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
His ass going to jail
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.
Why are emos like paper?
They cut easily.
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣
Rock, paper, lesbians.
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
How do you cut your grass without a lawn mower?
You dye it blue and it will cut itself.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because he wanted to CUT through the competition!
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut, g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.