Paint jokes
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.
Putin's words paint a picture of his world as vast, but in reality, it is shrinking.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.
I painted my black PS5 white so the controller would run faster.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.
What brand of paint did Michael Jackson use to paint Neverland Ranch?
Dutch Boy.
How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it!
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
What was one cool thing about Hitler?
He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Why did Bob Ross die?
Because the paint brush stabbed him.