Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?
My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh this, I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."
Ever heard of the show naked and afraid? thats what i call hide and seek with my uncle.
What do you call an emo that likes pizza? A pizza cutter.
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What did the north tower say to the south tower?
"Let’s talk later, I gotta catch a plane."
So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree
To bad he left him hanging
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Dark humor is like a dad - not everyone gets it.
I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
Grandpa: you can't have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. "next to mine" was not the answer i was expecting
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide, the librarian responds with ”fuck off you won’t bring it back!”
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents."
Who needs April fools..
When your whole life is a joke?