Joke

Joke Jokes

Self Harm

My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."

Emo

What do you call an emo that likes pizza? A pizza cutter.

Friend

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

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  • North Tower

    What did the north tower say to the south tower?

    "Let’s talk later, I gotta catch a plane."

    Abuse

    I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

    Emo kid

    So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree.

    Too bad he left him hanging.

    Combination

    What is the worst combination of illnesses?

    Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

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  • Life

    I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.

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  • Grandpa

    Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."

    Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."

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  • Prostate exam

    I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

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  • Autopsy

    A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"

    Suicide

    A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"

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