Health jokes
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.
The kid just hangs there.
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.
I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D
What do you call an STD?
Elenji.
What do you need an apple because you got an "izzy?"
What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."
What can you catch, but not throw?
Why does Aaron have no friends? Because his spine is weird and he is fat.
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
Why is yo mama so fat? She follows rap boat's diet.
Hello, which do y'all think is more embarrassing to have, is it autism or Down syndrome?
Why did the person peel his skin off? Because he wanted to.
Sarcastic Doctor: Tell me.
Guy: I have leukemia in the brain.
Sarcastic Doctor: That doesn't concern me.
Yo mama so fat, she can't pick up a dumbbell... the dumbbell pick her up.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
I love riding my bike 🚲.
Hey there, wanna buy some chromosomes?
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.