Cut jokes
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
If I cut my wrist, am I a zebra or a tiger?
Why did the lil kid cut himself?
Answer: Because he was emo, HAHHHAHAHAHAAHHA!
What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?
A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”
He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”
He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”
“No, this is the rink manager!”
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.
Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.
We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"
Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡
Why did the emo get put at the back of the line? He cut himself.
I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚⁉️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮
What is an emo's favorite game?
To delete Cut the Rope.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a power cut.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
One day a Chief was talking to his son... "Son," the father said, "Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"
Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!
Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!
I saw this girl with blue hair and slapped her wrist and said, “NICE CUT G!”
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.