Control

Control Jokes

Rape

Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?

A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.

Addiction

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

Difference

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

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  • Gun

    What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?

    When you have a gun in your hand.

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  • Depression

    Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

    Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

    AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

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  • Suicide

    Suicide gives you security for the future.

    Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.

    Difference

    What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.

    Brother

    Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

    Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

    Missile

    Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

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  • Idiot

    Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.

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  • Forehead

    Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.

    Black kid

    How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

    Feminist

    What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.

    Pokemon

    My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.

    I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”