90+ Control Jokes

I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.

Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?

A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

9/11 and Jenga are the same.

It's a controlled demolition.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

Good girl.

A man is sitting on a couch with his arm around a woman whose mouth is covered in duct tape and her hands and feet are tied. The text says "This could be us but you keep escaping."

What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?

When you have a gun in your hand.

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

Suicide gives you security for the future.

Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.

What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RCXD (remote control explosive).

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.