Comparison jokes
Me.
The joke is as short as me.
Vaginas are like onions. They have lots of layers to get through.
What's the different between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? Both of them can't stand up.
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
Yo mama so fat, she made Fat Albert jealous!
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.
Roses are red,
My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Your forehead is so big even Mega Mind knew you were smarter.
What is the difference between a cow and me?
Nothing.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What’s the difference between me and Glow In The Dark Intelligent Putty? The putty’s intelligent!
Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.
Mariah Carey is a more legit rapper than rapboat.