Worse

Worse Jokes

Heaven

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."

The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."

The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"

Run

What’s worse than running with scissors?

Scissoring with the runs!

Suicide

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

Porn

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.

Abortion clinic

What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

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  • Suicide

    What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?

    The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.

    Baby

    What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?

    Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.

    Face

    What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

    Finding out it was traced.

    Living

    What's worse than depression & suicide?

    Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

    Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

    Rape

    Why is rape worse than death?

    Because dead people get way more attention.

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  • Trash Can

    Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

    What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.

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  • News

    Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"

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  • Baby

    What's worse than a dead baby?

    A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.

    Cheat

    A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.

    The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.

    The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."

    Abortion

    I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

    Funeral

    My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

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