Store jokes

I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.

Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.

I like dicks... sporting goods.

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.

I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.

Why are orphans not allowed in stores?

Because else they would actually feel at home.

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.

He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?

Because they don't like Dick's!

Why can't orphans go to the store? Because they throw everything around.

What's the difference between parents and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back from the store with milk.

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?

We’re wiped out!

Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.

The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."

The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."

Q: What is Hitler's least favorite grocery store?

A: Jew-Osco

What do you call a stupid mannequin?

A dummy.