Store jokes
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."
I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?
You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
No one.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?
There are Targets everywhere.
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?
They were all family sized.
What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?
Answer: Forever 21.
My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.
Why do midgets work at Tesco?
Because every little helps.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
Where do Down syndrome kids go shopping downtown?
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.