Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" -- The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
How to fall down stairs Step 1 Step 2 Step 6,7,8 9,10
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?
Who else would think of adding gas?
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
What pool never runs dry? The one on the Titanic.
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
