Self Harm jokes

what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

Bros got barcode arms.

My pencil sharpener when I bleed:

And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

1. just feeling sad. 2. depression. 3. self harm. 4. suicide.

I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.

I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.

Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!

I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.

What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

I made a 3D game about a depressed, self-harming goth. It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.

What do you call a depressed tree?

A wood cutter.

Someone: Stop making jokes about sh!

Me: Oh, sorry man, I'll cut it out, I'll cut it out deep!

I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.

What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.

None.

Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.