Safety jokes
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
When you let the school shooter borrow your pen so he doesn't kill you.
Why did the boy not cross the road?
Because he was on thin ice.
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
Yo mama so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.
When you lock the door, but you realize it's a pull open door!
Health and safety tips: Looking at your hairline is hazardous. For your best interest, please look away.
So the fire alarm went off, but as soon as they walked out of the classroom, the only fire they saw was out of a gun.
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
I'd rate the pilot a 9/11.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.