One jokes
Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one.
One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂
Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
Why can't orphans be gay?
There's no one to call "daddy."
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
What's the difference between parking a car and finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody finds out.
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.
He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"
The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."
The person says: "What's a dilo?"
A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.
One was a salted peanut.
Why do people never kick their own balls?
Because they might lose one!
What did the bus driver say to the lady with one leg?
Hop on.
Texas is such a shitty state. There’s a reason it only has one star.
I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
How do you fit 4 gay guys on 1 barstool?
Turn it upside down and shove a leg up each of their asses.