Observation jokes

My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.

There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.

Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.

I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!

What do you call a dick that's too small to see?

Tick-tack dick.

Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.

I C U P works on 88% of people.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.

How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.

"Hey, how do I look?"

"With your eyes, Joe."

Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.

Man, your hairline is so far back, archaeologists couldn't find it.

You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.

One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?

Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?

Well, it really do be like it shouldn't, but it is.

Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?

When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"