Today is the day of 9/11 and we were in class making jokes and somebody said that’s sad and I was like why and they said “ today is the day the towers went down” and I said just like I did on you mum last night
Quiet kid: "I'm home!" Parents: "What did you learn at school today?" Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
A husband comes home from work one day and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high,
She looked surprised.
me: "comment if you love yourself and give me a reason" friends: comments give reason me: "notice how i commented nothing day later mom: let me see your tik tok me: shows her the video mom: calls suicide JK she just beat me for posting a video on her
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
Sunday was a sad day but yesterday was a sadderday
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
My son asked me how i'm so clean,"inside out.". I told him because of bleach. the next day I found him drinking the bleach.
So the other day I was looking up zodiac sign stuff you know im a real big fan of that and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have there own hairstyles... except cancer.
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
you
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
so if the reason people used to hang women because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung would they be called wizards?
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist Colony the other day.
When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day
Someone at school judged my grammar. I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
What did the hiroshima survivor say about the day little boy dropped? It was a blast
