Body

Body Jokes

Self Harm

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

Self Harm

I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.

Sex

Sex is like math.

You add a bed.

Subtract the clothes.

Divide the legs.

And pray you don’t multiply.

Mama

Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

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  • Funeral

    They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.

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  • Sperm

    How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

    When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

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  • Self Harm

    I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

    Priest

    What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.

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  • Surgery

    A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."

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  • Uncle

    In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

    Lung

    What did the lungs say to the cigar?

    "You take my breath away..."