Body jokes

If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.

What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.

I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.

Sex is like math.

You add a bed.

Subtract the clothes.

Divide the legs.

And pray you don’t multiply.

Yo momma so fat, her belt size is E for Equator.

Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.

I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!

Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?

He did not have the guts!

Is buttcheeks one word?

Or should I spread them?

Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

What is the second hardest thing in the morning?

Getting up.