What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?
Sit down and shut up.
Shower thoughts
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
What do you call a tent for lesbians?
Finger Hut.
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
How do you play chess with a Catholic?
You put a condom on the bishop.
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
What do you call a white person from Africa?
Albino.
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm, e-I-e-I-oh.
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.