Worst Jokes Ever
We’re so poor, we can’t even afford free stuff.
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?
A nugget.
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?
Because vodka in Russia is weak.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting them back in the wheelchair.
What do you call an Irish lesbian?
A Gaelic.
Q: What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and wind chimes?
A: Wind chimes don't make a gurgling sound when they're hung.
Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.
When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."
His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"
Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"
10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"
Q. Why aren't Epstein jokes funny? A. Because it's such a touchy subject.
Why didn't the oyster share its pearl?
Because it was a cunt.
Did you know a full moon is perfect for a werewolf to come out?
I’m gay.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The dwarf who couldn’t reach the doorbell.
Q: What do you call an angry, bullied Asian kid?
Shoo Ting.
I support LGBTQ.
Let's Go Bully The Queers.
How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?
Use he/him pronouns on him.
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.