Zombie

Zombie Jokes

Vampire

I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.

Difference

What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?

They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.

Uh!!!

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  • Tip

    Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.

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  • Trick

    I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...

    no one could tell that it was their blood.

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  • Job

    What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.

    2020

    I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.

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  • Vampire

    What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

    One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

    Mexican

    What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

    Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

    Difference

    What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.

    Fiction

    What do you call a zombie?

    Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

    Brain

    If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.

    Barber

    Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.

    Atheist

    7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg!

    Atheist: You prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?