Therapy Jokes

Therapist: So what brought you here today?

Wife: He's too literal.

Therapist: And you, sir?

Husband: My truck.

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...

Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.

Q: What makes depressed kids jump?

A: Bridges.

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.

Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.

But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It’s called Enditol.

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.

It’s called Trycoxagain.

My therapist once said, "time heals all wounds." So I stabbed him. Now we wait...

Why did you go depressed?

Because you’re you.

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

-> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!