School jokes

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"

And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up, and I'll see you on Monday.

Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.

Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

Teacher: What month is it?

Quiet kid: AUG-ust.

Classroom: Visible concern.

Guess who I saw at school today? Everyone I looked at. loooooooool

Me: What's yellow and can't swim?

My sister: What??

Me: A school bus filled with kids.

Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.

Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.

Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.

Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.

People at school thought I had special powers. It was something called "Constant supervision."

I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.

This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.

So he asked the teacher, "May I use the bathroom?"

The teacher replied, "No, not unless you say your alphabet."

So the boy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."

When he finished, the teacher asked him, "Where's the p?"

The boy replied, "Half way down my leg..."

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

Why is it that when in PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but in public when I say "blacks against whites" or "boys against girls" I'm the bad guy?

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.

Like this if you are in elementary, middle school, or high school.