Pickup Jokes

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?

Can I push your stool in for ya?

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."

The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."

The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

"May I push your stool in?"

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?

Pickup line for gay people:

Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.

What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?

You’re breathtaking!

How do homeless people move where they're living?

They pick up their box and walk away.